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Posts Tagged ‘ayyan’


You are a theist or atheist?

I have faced this question many times in my life. Most of the times that question raised by a confused person who believes himself as a believer of god, most probably he must be a polytheist. And my truthful answer is always I am a believer of god and I can not be an atheist and I can’t stay a micro inch away from that unknown power.

But many of you believe that you are true believers and worshipping your god always, but still you may be a real atheist.

How can a person be an atheist without even knowing the truth that he is an atheist?

Simple answer, “if you do not believe in god, you must be an atheist”.

You may be a polytheist, but still that can be a reason for you to be an atheist.

It is just like mistakenly interchanged babies in the delivery room and whole life they love somebody else as their father. His love is truthful, but I feel pity for that son, same way I feel pity for all god’s sons and daughters in the similar situations.

A vast subject very briefly says…

Human life evolved through various cultures, and various communities started praying various myths and started calling all those are gods and believed that all those have powers to be a god and they started worshipping. There would have been many reasons for them to do that. The followers of those groups and their generations also did the same and still their present generation follows that, and believe what they believe is the real god. They must have got some historical stories to prove their beliefs.

If I am able to be a spectator watching all these incidents from outside throughout the generations, what would be my reactions to their beliefs?

If I am totally aware about the evolution of incidents and all the stories and myths created by men, what will be my reaction to those gods?

All those men and their generations and the whole world had been created by some unknown power and our awareness about that power is a big zero.

Do they believe in god?

No they do not at all believe in god, but believing in some beliefs handed over by somebody. So how can we call them as believers of god? No doubt they are atheists.

The same way vast majority of human beings are still atheists. They never have thought about god a single second in their life. All their life is being wasted by running behind the man made lords. They are devotees of babas, swamis, bhagavans, epic Heros etc.
But nobody is a devotee of god.

So don’t think that you are a believer, think about your beliefs. What do you believe?
What are you worshipping? The one I worship is a man made one or god’s own one?

How men can make gods, if so, why should I pray those gods?

Who told me first to worship that god? How he came to know that is the real god to be worshipped? What was his authority to tell me to worship that?

Who told you that you are in this religion? There was any marks on your body by birth proving that you should be in any particular religion and worship only the selected gods in that religion?

If a sensible person sits and thinks about these questions can easily find that all what we do are the results of big foolishnesses.

So you are a devotee of god… or what?

You may be a person regularly visiting temples, churches, ashrams or any man made institutions related to god, but still you can be an atheist.

Do you want to live as an atheist?

It is your decision.

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Things that you have earned with your own efforts with out hurting anybody will never leave you, or they will come back to you even if you lost it.
That is my belief.
There are some examples in my life and I want to share with you.
Any body can think about a suitcase with all valuable items lost in the big city of Madras, and is it possible to get it back?

Once I went to Madras (Now it is Chennai) for an interview. I caught an auto from Madras central to the hotel where the interview takes place. I was very tired after a long train journey. So before getting in to the auto, I took some soft drinks from one busy shop near railway station. But after drinking I forgot to take my suitcase with all my money and all my original certificates inside. I kept it just in front of the shop and quickly entered in auto and went to the hotel where the interview was going on with my handbag only in hand.
There was a lot of tension in my head and I was in hurry also, so I could not immediately notice about the missing suitcase and I waited in the reception for more than three hours. I remembered that only when they announced my name as the next candidate. I was looking for the certificates and shocked by seeing no suitcase and certificates besides me.
Immediately I ran out but couldn’t remember where I missed it.
I just walked all the way behind with out any aim.
I searched all the reception and in front of the hotel, I couldn’t find it.
Then I got a doubt that it may be there in the railway station or may be in that shop where I had the drinks.
But now almost four hours passed, how it will be there now in this big city?
Impossible!!!
And no money to catch an auto again, for safety I kept my purse also inside the suitcase and kept a hundred rupee note only in my pocket, damn it !! that I gave to that auto driver also.
I sat down beside the road on a cement wall with all my energy lost.
I felt like all my life is gone, what I can do with out my all certificates ?, how can I go back? Who is there to help me in this big city?
May be I have to beg somebody even for going back.

I was totally upset and sat there for a few minutes without any hope and looking on ground.

I looked in front by hearing a call. That was a beggar boy around the age of twelve or thirteen. He was standing in front of me and asking me money showing his hand.
I looked to his hand, there was a one rupee coin.
I checked in my pocket, and found only a one rupee coin.
That was the only one left in my pocket.
What is the use of keeping it there, let it also go…
I thought like that in desperation.
I put it on his hand and said, “Now you are more richer than me, I become poor , I have nothing in my hands”
He looked on my face with unbelief, and then asked in Tamil.
“You look like a rich man, then where all your money gone?”
“Yes boy, I was rich, but I lost my suitcase somewhere near railway station”

He didn’t say anything for a moment and started walking, but suddently turn around and told me something unexpected from him.
“Sir, don’t worry sir, your bag must be still there only where u kept it, go fast and take it”
That time one bus came and stopped near us.
He put that one rupee coin back to my hand and again put one more coin, that was his earning and said.
“Sir, get in this bus, you can reach railway station with this two rupees, go fast”
I was not in a state to give any reply, but I got some energy from his words and ran to the bus and got in.
I reached railway station in half an hour.

How luckily I found my suitcase was still there in the same place where I kept.
No body even touched it.
So many people were rushing all the way around, but nobody noticed that suitcase luckily, or I think it was still under the custody of god.
I returned back in an auto again. Before reaching the hotel I searched for that boy everywhere near the bridge to give him some money for my pleasure.
But I couldn’t find him.
That was an amazing experience.
…………………

Once again I missed some valuable items.
That was a very expensive camera and the set of printout photos taken by that camera.
I received all the printouts from a studio and unfortunately put camera also inside that cover, then we went for a long shopping all over Kuwait city and Malia city.
After a long shopping in many shops we returned home and checked all bags and found camera and photos were missing.
I couldn’t remember where I kept it and it is very difficult to go and check in many shops. But I joked to Renu keeping in mind my previous experience that not to worry; I will get it back definitely.
But I didn’t have any hope.
But that also happened amazingly!!

After around three months, we were doing again another shopping in Kuwait city and went to one sari shop. Renu started selecting saris, after some time that shop owner called me and I went near to him. Then he took a photo and looked on my face and confirmed something.
Then gave me our old cover with camera and all photos are safe in that and said that he got that cover on that day inside the shop.
But he was a good man and didn’t take it to home. Instead he kept it there only and observing everybody coming to the shop and expected to return once when the real owner arrives.
We told many thanks to that honest shop owner.
That was a happy moment to see some good people are still in our world.

These incidents taught me one thing. Don’t fear about any losses when it happens.
Any thing you earned THROUGH GOOD AND TRUE WAY WITHOUT CHEATING OR HURTING ANYBODY will never lose from you. If you lost also, it will come back to you, or god will bring it back to your hands.

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That was the coldest Friday during the winter season in Kuwait.
I am the laziest person on Fridays always in the comfortable warm inside the blanket and wanted to sleep on the bed all the twenty four hours, with Renu, if she is not angry.
But that day it has been disturbed by Renu’s loud voice.
“Hay Ayyan, get up, did you forget that?”
‘What?”
“Today is the party that Mohan invited us?’
“O my god !! alright, I forgot that, their happy anniversary, right?’
“Yes, come out and be ready quick, we are already late man. “
Mohan is one of my smartest subordinate and this is the first time he invited me to a party as a chief guest once after he brought his family after a long period of bachelor life here. That was not only an anniversary party but he wanted to give a treat for us and to introduce her wife to everybody.
He was a family friend of us for many years and Renu was also happy to meet his wife for the first time.
“Alright I will be ready in five minutes, what about you and what about the gift?”
“I know you will ask this, so… I did it same like every time.”
She was clever and she had already purchased and well packed the gift and shown me.
“Oh dear that’s very fine,”
We reached to the venue almost one hour late and everybody was already there and finally waiting for us.
Mohan and wife came out with wishes and he introduced us to his wife, Renu quickly hold her hand and started asking many questions while I was recollecting something in my memory.
They greeted us and invited for some drinks and then went to others.
Soon they came back and sat in front of us.
Renu gave her gift and then that was my turn to ask something.
I calmly asked her name and confirmed something then asked little loudly.

“Hay Priya, could you please explain me something”?

What Sir?
………..

“Tell me what the ways that AIDS can be transmitted are?”

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Silence…..

All the people around stunned by hearing my question.

Renu stopped drinking and staring to my face with unbelief.

She asked with chocking words, what Ayyan, what happened you? What did you ask to her just now?

Yes that’s what I asked, Priya give me the answer?

“I asked again”

Priya was still in the shock that what she heard from her husband’s boss and in a dilemma what to say or not to say and she was looking to Mohan’s face like crying.

I didn’t want to trouble everybody for long time, so I laughed and broke the silence.

“Hay Dear Priya you have studied in Baselius college right?”

“Yes Sir, how do you know that?’

“Can you remember your classes in Kings English institute and look on my face again?”

Again silence for a few moments….

Suddenly the expressions changed on her face and asked me loudly…

“Yes Sir I can remember you sir, oh was that you sir our grammar teacher?”

“Yes, exactly..” I said.

“Oh my god!! I can remember, and very very sorry about that sir, but I am so happy to know that you still remember me.”
Everybody sighed with relief including Renu but was in enthusiastic to know what the story is behind.

Then party hall become a class room and I become a story telling teacher.
……………………

After the completion of my studies, I was desperately looking for a job.
I was a topper in the college and that made my life troublesome.
Because of all my relatives and neighbors were thinking that I am a top ranker and companies are going to come to my home immediately after the course and they are going to pick me up and put in the manager’s seat.

But that was not the real fact.

Nothing happened after many months also.
The procedure of sending applications and attending interviews continued endless and I become despaired and not in a situation to look on others faces.
And who ever I meet on road was asking about my job and that question was irritating me like anything.
I didn’t want to sit in home with out doing any job and that was killing boring.
I changed my daily routine.
Every day I waited up to nine o’clock to watch the arrival of postman with any white cover in hand. I was always expecting some interview or appointment letters.
Those days internet and email were not even in my dreams also.
So my time pass was only one thing.
Immediately after postman’s arrival, I used to take a file in hand and going out without looking both sides in full sleeve shirt in executive style.
I did that to make others think that I am going for job or some higher studies.

But my routine was strange, morning to noon I was in a public library and when that closes at noon I was shifted to bishop’s library and again evening to public library.
That was the routine.
Then one day I met my friend in library and I told him my all problems. After hearing all, he proposed to me a solution.

“Can u take grammar classes for pre degree girls?”

“What are you asking? Grammar class, may be I have to refer all the English books from school classes again, okay that can be managed some how, but again how to manage the pre degree girls?”

I got a shivering in my legs, how that will work out for a nervous person like me?
But he encouraged me,” nothing will happen, you can do that?”
I had no other choices in front of me, so I accepted that offer and that was a small holding place for a person who was already drowning.
I started my classes with confidence.
The first few days were fine, but I was in front of the girls always with a heavily beating heart and some how completed the lessons and worrying everyday about the next day.
And one day that happened and that made me to make an end of my teaching career.

And she was the reason…Priya..
I noticed that girl on my first day itself and tried to avoid even an eye contact with her.
She was the smartest girl in the class and always surrounded with a group of her friends.
She was a cheerleader or a gangster of them.
I actually feared that group of butterflies.
And there was a very bad system there and that was troubling me always.
Every Friday was a day for interaction in English. In that class all the students can ask any questions in English and I should give answers in English to make the language fluent for them.
The first few questions were easy and I managed all.
Then there was a loud voice from the gang.
Priya called me and asked me very politely..

“Sir shall I ask a question please?”

Trying to hide my worries on face and I told her to ask.
She asked politely.

“Sir what are the ways that AIDS can be transmitted?”

All the girls started laughing by hearing that and started making many comments.

It was a simple question at any other instance and I knew the answer too.
But still I become nervous and my mouth become dry.

Some how I managed to tell that “AIDS is a serious decease and…….. it is spreading because of …unsafe ….

“Unsafe what sir?”

“ unsafe……….blood transaction”

Priya’s gang was laughing and she asked again, “that we know sir, but one more?

My hands and legs started shivering, some how again I said” because of…… using same needle……. to infected people…….. and…… others ……can be a cause …..no?…”

They laughed again and didn’t want to leave me…”sir we know that but one more, some thing like precaution while doing something? Didn’t you know that?”

….I said…”may be… may be …by…….. kissing each…. other can…also…… transmit no?….’

“No sir no…you don’t know? One more…main cause?”

I am totally lost and some how managed to tell that I will go to office and come back.

I quickly jumped out even with out taking my books and pen and that was my way out to my teaching profession also….
………..
…………

When I stopped my story, Priya came to me and said,,

“Yes all you said is true and please forgive me sir, that was just for a teenage fun and I am very happy to see you again here. And once you left the college we all felt very bad and wanted to meet you again for asking sorry, but we could never meet you and it happened now only, so now I am asking that sorry again sir”

I said, its all okay Priya, now I can understand that was a funny incident and I am also very happy to see you again here, and you will be one of our best family friends from today.

Mohan came and hold my hands while everybody was laughing.

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I am not sure it was a dream or not… a girl was wandering on road….not exactly a girl, she was somewhere in a way turning to a woman. But her childish face and poses resembles a kid’s plays.
Where am I?
Why should I drive in this hot sun, hay look around I am too fast, slow down…
Life is like that when we are in hurry to grab a lot, movements become faster than expected and where is the time to look around.
I was asking myself a lot of questions, but I am not even ready to think of an answer.
I had a bicycle…lazy riding here and there… no hurry at all… God!!! She blocked the way, I feared her…half naked or full naked sometimes I feared that childish face…even I was also a child like her too.
Hot sun has become a companion for me nowadays and where I have time to stay in a shade. My customer is waiting somewhere and I have to reach there somehow before he reaches, otherwise it is going to affect the entire business.
I don’t like him…he has a cute face and sharp words…not only to me but also to the whole world, but what I have?
That thought terrifies me and started my first competition to a human…still continues for the struggle of life…to achieve the top most chairs and to survive there…I want to hate him and hate others with out a valid reason justifies to god…I hate myself also for doing that.
Today when I see a crowd near the bus stand or railway station, she crashes to my head….her childish face and naked body disturbs me. So I learned to divert the routs.
She is falling on my bicycle and grabbing the handle and trying to catch my hair.
A crowd is there around and watching us…..yes watching, watching, watching only…smile on every faces…no sympathy at all… A free show may be long awaited for them…enjoying the show of a mad girl, yes enjoyable… if she is not our mother or daughter???

I could not do anything on fear… my hands and lugs are become stuck like a statue.
Hay what is happening… her lips touched my face….
Was that a kiss???
A breeze with a bunch of roses fell on me…I had become weightless like a feather and slowly lifted up with the wind…I fell asleep.
I don’t want to open the glasses of my car, because I love the cooling inside. I don’t want a crazy hand to come inside and catch my hair… I can go inside a crowd and I can enjoy her half naked dance with a smile on face and a rap music on my HiFi Stereo system, because my glasses are up…I am covered and well protected…I think, Am I cruel too? How much money is enough to satisfy till the maximum possible days allowed, anybody calculated?
Ohhhhh god what a horn…disturbed my thoughts…humming a bee on head…lucky enough up to an inch gap to that truck…life is sometimes near to an inch gap no?
Who cares about that?
I had a little kindness in heart to get a punctured skirt and shirt to her.
But now where I missed it, I can’t remember…now I look other side to escape from the guilty feeling before it starts catching me, because I am inside a bubble created my own.
I fell down from my bicycle… every body started laughing, laughing, laughing only.
She gave a hand to me…. I looked her up side down… a rainbow was glowing behind her head…colorful…cute…I heard light thunders or tremors…..rain is going to come….a few drops hit on my eyes and flowed out…I wasn’t crying…but tears came out… I fell asleep.
Whaaaat a craaaashing sound…what happened behind…I stopped my car, came out and looked back….no … nothing there….empty road and that truck is rushing alone towards the other end of road…an eagle flying parallel to that also alone… both faded away till the limit of my eyes…now only the empty road…I slowly walked on the hard road…hot sun is straight on top and my brain is getting hot…I thought about that rainbow, am I not lucky enough to see a rainbow nowadays. I lost the eyes to see that and lost the heart to enjoy that beauty…but where? turned up my face…only hot sun is there, straight on top, nothing else…empty sky!!!
Where am I sleeping…and my bicycle is on the other side of road…and heard the crashing sound of truck…yes behind…I saw that punctured skirt and shirt….so who pushed me…my god…why did she do that? Mad girl…a mad girl did a mad act and she escaped…me too.
I saw that colorful rainbow behind her hanging hair…upside down again…the rain was stopped …tremors were stopped… was I crying… tears were coming out …there was red horizon behind her… red sun was slowly falling to darkness…

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They were two; they may be lovers or couples.
I don’t know.
I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t. Why?
Because they are only insects, I don’t know there language.
I sat there not for watching them, but for waiting my friend.

But unexpectedly my attention turned to them may be because of their beauty.
They had small golden wings and yellow dots on it and size was as smaller as a matchstick tip. There acts amused me, I could see they were dancing together, singing together and enjoying there life with out any tension about future. They just reminded me my own honeymoon days and also led me to many thoughts. How god created these small beings and why he has given this shape and beauty to them, they must have a heart and brain?

Hay Ayyan, have you reached already? His loud voice waked me up from thoughts.
He came and sat near to me and lightened a cigarette, before started talking he just looked on ground and saw one of the insect running by hearing the sound of his boots I think. He just crushed it with his heavy boots while talking and laughing with me.
But he didn’t see the other one was running.
I don’t know why he did that and what satisfaction he got by doing that.
That place was not his not mine too. He hasn’t created them and they haven’t done anything against him. What to do? Some people are like this, they don’t even think what they are doing. It is over.

Our talk was also over. He left the place with a big goodbye.
I just looked down again. I could see a few pieces of golden wings and the other one walks and runs around that. I couldn’t understand its language but I knew that, it wasn’t dancing and it wasn’t singing. I was able to hear her (or his I don’t know) loud cry.

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“Is this world only for men?”


I had many friends always, but one of them was a girl friend.
Boy friends are always boy friends, but she was only a girl friend.
She wanted to be with the boy friends, but she couldn’t be like a boy friend.
She wanted to become a boy and wanted to come with us always.
She was a girl but asked me… Is this world only for men?

She wanted to join with our night trips, but worried about her warden.
She wanted to jump into trekking, but needed a permission granted.
She wanted to drive on a pulsar, but all of us laughed just by hearing.
Thus she wanted to become a boy, and wanted to have our freedom…
How damn world is this, is this world only for men?

She wanted to have a liberty, from all the hazards of a lady.
She wanted to be like her boy friends, thought even a doctor can make her.
How dreary the life as a girl, She wanted to enjoy life like us.
Thus she wanted to become a boy, but she couldn’t fulfill her dreams…
How damn world is this, is this world only for men?

She wanted a lone trip to Mumbai, to attend her test and to come back.
But her mom heard a lot of stories…about city rape victim girls.
So she forced to plead to her sibling, who was nothing more… but a boy,
Thus she wanted to become a boy, but she is still been a girl…
How damn world is this, is this world only for men?

She wanted to go to the crowd and come back without any harm.
She doesn’t want to complain about any boys around….why?
She doesn’t want any equality… because she never been a feminist.
Thus she wanted to become a boy, but she couldn’t become it so far…
How damn world is this, is this world only for men?

She doesn’t want to complain about any dirty staring of men,
Because she knows no boys complain about any dirty staring of girls.
She doesn’t want to complain about any nasty comments of men,
Because she knew no boys complain about any nasty comments of girls
Thus she wanted to become a boy, but she couldn’t become it so far…
How damn world is this, is this world only for men?

Why should I come back before ten, that restriction not to my father?
Why should I call my mom always, that instruction not to my brother…?
I can not bear all these warnings, thus I want to become a boy.
Yes…thus she wanted to become a boy, but she couldn’t fulfill her dreams…
How damn world is this, is this world only for men?

“But, I didn’t have an answer”

(She was a nice friend of us, but with unfulfilled dreams she became a wife of somebody else, hope now the world is yours too…or making a world only of yours.)

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I thought that writing is a difficult job for me ,but…
I feel easy to write about the real incidents happened, in my life and around me.
(May be I can not write anything other than that ,no?)
This is also one of those kinds.

Story of a pretty innocent teenage girl.

How can I forget her?
She was in my life for hardly one or two hours, but still I regret that I could have given her a life.
…………………………………

Once we were on vacation in Kerala and always my most interesting hobby is driving through the unknown roads by seeing all the greenery around. And that day Renu also joined with me.
When we passed a small city, Renu remembered something and told me to stop the vehicle. She told me that there is somewhere her old teacher lives and she want to meet her after a long time and to give her a surprise visit.
I said okay and easily she spotted a small yellow painted old house before the next turning.
We stopped the vehicle just in front of the gate and went inside. Renu knocked the door while I was searching for the door bell that I couldn’t find.
After a minute a young pretty looking girl opened the door.
Renu told me, that must be Chinnu, teachers only daughter.
She asked her, “hay chinnu, did you remember me?”
Chinnu didn’t like that addressing and replied, “I am not chinnu I am Aparna?” Who are you?
Oh sorry for that Aparna, I am your mothers old student, could you please call her?
She looked both of us and went inside with out giving a smile also.
Renu told me, I am sure that is chinnu only; she was only four years old when Renu saw her last time and she has grown up after around thirteen years. Now she couldn’t recognize Renu.
I thought it is correct, time has changed Renu also a lot, now she is not looking like the naughty girl that I met first time in college and I was in doubt that teacher can recognize her or not.
But teacher came out and proved that my doubts are in wrong place, she immediately recognized her and hugged her with surprise. Then Renu introduced me also to her. Teacher was very happy that we visited her after a long time.
I was planned to spend there only a fifteen minutes, but we couldn’t deny teachers invitation to stay for some time and have a lunch with them. We spent some happy hours with them by remembering the memories of school days and sharing new stories.
Teacher’s life has been miserable after her husband’s death and now she is retired also.
Now her only aim is to give a good education to her only daughter Aparna (she is the same girl, chinnu was the pet name in childhood) and to give her hands to some good boy.
That is the only dream she has now and she is financially troubling a lot after her retire and trying to manage Aparna’s education expenses with the pension amount and a small amount she is earning by taking tuition of some high school students. I saw tears in her eyes when she tells that. My mind gets disturbed terribly when I see that in anybody’s eyes.

But I was wondering about the behavior of Aparna. They said she is a plus two student, and she looks like a smart and beautiful girl with very innocent looking face. But unlike that some thing missing in her character and she didn’t talk to us anything and looked always like depressed.
I asked about her studies just for the sake of breaking silence, but she didn’t entertain that and limited her answer in two words and she was only sitting and watching both of us.
Renu didn’t notice anything while busy talking to her old teacher.
What ever it may be, let it be their own business. I just skipped out and lighted up a cigarette.
After a tasty lunch we told them good bye and moved my car and saw them going behind……..
from my mind also… I am not going to see them again any more.
……………….
……………….
……………….

But faith was different……. I saw her again,

The same day evening I was busy replying some business mails, heard the phone ringing. I looked around for Renu, and couldn’t find her.
So I went and took the phone, that was a female voice that I couldn’t recognize.
I asked again, Hello, may I know who is this?
There was a very soft voice, “I am Aparna, didn’t you remember?”
“No, which Aparna?”
“The same Chinnu, today you came to our house?”
“Hay Aparna, what a surprise, is this you, okay, hold on I will call Renu now.”
“No, please don’t call her?”
‘Then, what?”
“I want to talk to you only.”
“What are you telling, you want to talk to me? “
“Yes, it is something very important and please don’t tell Renu about this.”
I wondered what she has to tell me, I met her today only and I have no other relations with her. But I felt a severe tension in her soft and nervous voice
I asked her calmly,
“What happened Aparna, tell me?”
“Could you please come in front of GCDA complex tomorrow morning at 10 o’ clock, I have an urgent matter to tell you.”
What is this, it seems pretty madness, what to tell her?
She asked again, ‘could you please come?’
“Okay I will come. “
I don’t know why did I say that at that moment.
“Thank you, I will be waiting there, but please don’t tell anybody.”
She cut the phone.
…………………………..
…………………………..

I shut down my computer and sat down in such a dilemma, what to do or not to do?
What may be the reason she is calling me?
May be she is having any love at first sight to me, we don’t know young girls, what they are thinking.
Che che what I am thinking, I am a married man , quiet impossible, she know that also.
Then what?
She must be in some kind of trouble and need my help or may be need some money.
That must be the reason, I assumed. But why me?
After half an hour thinking, I decided not to tell Renu about this. Why to give her a head ache, if I can solve this myself.
……………………..
……………………..

I reached in front of the complex almost the same time what she said.
I saw her waiting in the parking before I reach there. I parked my car and walked to her.

“Hay Aparna nice to meet you again, tell me what is the problem you have?”

Instead of giving answer she invited me to the back side of the complex to sit and talk where empty benches are available in the marine drive.
We sat on an empty bench and I was looking to her face with enthusiasm.
A few moments of silence and I felt a starting trouble for her.
I tried to comfort her and asked her to speak friendly and consider me like a friend or elder brother and tell me whatever she wants to tell.
She broke the silence and started talking.
But the story was a shocking one for me.
She had an affair with a boy who was working in a ladies fancy shop near to her school for more than a year and she believed it was a real love and she dreamed that they will be living together at a time everybody agree them to do that.
She dreamed that all in her immature mind and was trapped in the words and fascination of him.
Once in some moment where she couldn’t resist him and she had all the kinds of physical relations also with him.
But the boy was not a kind of person what she was thinking.
He took many naked photos of her and kept in his custody.
She become shocked by seeing his friends with him when she went to there secret place next time, and he asked her to share fun with them also.
It was insufferable for a girl like her, and she tried to escape from them.
But she was already in side there tight nets.
That incident broke her heart and pushed her in to mere depression.
Recently he started blackmailing her by showing her naked photos and sending photos to her email and asking her to co-operate with them, otherwise they threaten her that they will expose all her photos in internet or distribute in college.
And that was her dilemma that she was not able to tell anybody this matter and nobody was there to help her.
Now she found a last hope after seeing me, and she thought I am a strange person to the village and looks like a decent man and may be I am going to help her.
She explained me a new way to help her.
Just go with her to his place and she will tell him that I am her fiancé and our marriage is been fixed.
And I have to tell him that I knew everything and I accepted all her faults and agreed to marry her. And ask him not to make any trouble and give the photos back and don’t come again in our ways.
I also thought it is a good idea, may be he will not make any trouble if he knows that people are there with her.
But how can I go with her for this purpose.
I will be in trouble and day by day similar cases are there in news papers and I didn’t want my name will get spoiled if something goes wrong.
So I didn’t want to agree her suggestion, instead consoled her and advised her not to worry, this is happening for many girls now a days. And what he can do? Now days so many morphing techniques are there, anybody can create the naked photos of anybody. So don’t worry about that and forget that chapter.
“Don’t go and meet him.”
She found very depressed again by hearing my negative replies.
But what to do, I had no other choices to take.
Going to police or any other officials will cause her name to come out with big publicity and that will spoil her life and the respect of her mother.
We took a juice together and I dropped her to bus stand.
I went back to home with a disturbed mind, again some worries about her.
Should I have to tell this to Renu. I decided not to tell her, that was the final request from Aparna.
I heard the phone ringing again while taking our dinner, Renu went and took the phone, but there was nobody on the line.
It happened twice again, I got a doubt that may be Aparna is calling.
I got an unknown feeling in my mind and so much of worries about that innocent girl.
Renu was also noticed the worries in my face and asked many times, finally I decided to tell her that, to get a relief for my mind.
After hearing all the stories, she was little angry to me because of not telling her when her first call came.
I told her the reason that I didn’t do that.
After a lot of thinking she came up with a strong decision that I couldn’t take.

She told me to go with her tomorrow and see that boy and get all the photos and warn him to not disturb her any more.
She said this is the case of the life of a young girl, “we can’t avoid it just like that ayyan, and more over she is the only daughter of my dearest teacher and you also heard that how much she is suffering for her and she is living only for her.”
“So you must go tomorrow and do that Ayyan please”
Yes, what she says is correct, I should go and now I am the only person responsible to save her.
I decided that and slept with a peaceful mind.
We were eagerly waiting for her call from the morning but she didn’t call.
Then Renu decided to call her house.
First two times the ring was going on but nobody took the phone..
Third time somebody took but that was not Aparna or teacher, it was a male voice.
Renu gave phone to me, I asked. “Is this teacher’s house?”
Yes who is this?
I am her friend, can I get her?
He said, how can I give her now, didn’t you know everything?
What everything? No I didn’t know?
Her daughter committed suicide yesterday night.
What?
Phone dropped down from my hands and I sat on bed with out any voice.
…………
…………
Dear Aparna, forgive me …forgive to this bad world.
I didn’t tell this story to anybody, if I do, may be I can put that boy in jail, but I didn’t want to spoil the respectful life that both of them lived so far, and what else ,Aparna has gone and she is not going to come back. And I believe that a judge and court is there better than all the judges in the world and he will give punishment to him.
I put them behind my memories …
I am not going to see her again any more….its sure….
I forgot her also………

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